You may have imagined it before it happens.
Your phone rings in the middle of an ordinary day. Your parent needs help. Someone is concerned. You need to come.
This week, I got that call.
I was at Florida Southern, helping prepare for our Veterans Day convocation, when my mother and her neighbor called. Mom was confused. Her neighbor had gone over to check on her, and they weren't sure what to do.
My mother is 89 and lives alone. My brother and I are involved in her life. Her neighbors look out for her. We have routines and support in place.
Still, hearing that something was wrong sent my thoughts in a hundred directions.
I handed off my responsibilities, stopped at home to pack, and headed toward Kissimmee. Her neighbor stayed with her. My brother was also on his way.
For the moment, people were doing what needed to be done.
Inside my head, I was already trying to figure out everything that might come next.
The drive gives you plenty of time to worry
What would I find when I arrived?
Would this be something we could address and work through? Would she need more help than we had arranged? What if we suddenly had to make a decision about whether she could continue living alone?
Then came the questions about how we would manage.
I have a job and responsibilities. My brother has a family and a business. We both want to be there for our mother, but neither of us has unlimited time or resources.
Love makes us want to show up. It doesn't automatically clear our calendars, replace lost income, or tell us what to do.
That can be hard to admit when someone we love needs us.
"Being needed in two places doesn't mean you have failed in either one."
Guilt can pull you in both directions
On that drive, I felt guilty for not already being with Mom.
I also felt guilty for leaving work during an important morning.
Then I felt guilty for worrying about work while I was worried about my mother.
If you care for an aging parent, you may recognize that particular tangle.
You want to be a dependable employee, a present family member, and a caring son or daughter. When those responsibilities collide, it can feel as though someone is getting less than they deserve.
